Tempus Repet

BEEEEEEP

I slowly open my eyes. Beams of sunshine pierce through the window, penetrate my pupils, and blind my eyes. I can hear a low, monotonous murmur from a distance. Turning towards the deafening noise of my alarm clock, I can barely make out the blocky, lime-coloured numbers displaying 09:37.

"Fucking WHAT the FUCKing FUCK, who the FUCK, FUCK this FUCKing, how did this even FUCKING Fuck's FUCK!"

I curse under my breath as I pick up my glasses from the bedside table. I fucking hate Mondays. I jump to my feet, perhaps a little too quickly. I instantly fall back and grab my throbbing head, screaming in pain while my skull is being split open by invisible Mjolnir. Really, Monday can go eat a piece of shit, burn to a crisp char, and be pissed on. I reach for a bottle of water I left on the bedside and take a gulp. I can taste the bitter ash from the cigarette butt I threw into the bottle last night. Fucking shit. I guess I should be more appreciative though. After all, these are the only butts I'm legally allowed to put in my mouth. I stagger to my feet and make my way to the living room.

Something feels a little off, though. The air seems a little thin. I stop on the way and take a deep breath. I really need to get out and exercise.

"MEEE-"

I turn my head towards the source of the noise, only to meet the orange furball I share my apartment with.

"What's wrong, Garfield?"

"-EEEOW," finishes the cat.

That's right. I guess he wants to eat. I better feed this lazy, ungrateful ball of fat before he scratches me for further delaying his breakfast. I check my watch. 9:37 AM.

I scoop some catfood for Garfield and pour myself some orange juice. After feeding a slice of bread into the filthy toaster I got from a garage sale the other day, I start reading the paper. Of course, the front page is filled with the current medal count and buzz about the new Olympic stars. I flip to the last page and start doing the crosswords. I get stuck on 42 across: 6-lettered word for drooping upper eyelid, starting with P and ending in IS. I write "PEENIS" and move on to Sudoku.

I turn to the toaster after finishing the Sudoku. The bread still hasn't been toasted. Seriously? I'm late for work, AND I don't get to eat breakfast? I get up and check my watch. 9:37 AM. That doesn't seem right. I reach for my pocket and check my cell phone: 9:37 AM.

Oh, I know what's happening, I think to myself. I must be high. But all I remember from yesterday is drinking beer while watching TV and going to bed after lighting a cigarette. It's been weeks since I smoked weed, and I certainly don't feel high right now. Somehow, time seems to be dilated, as if I'm travelling at a relativistic speed. Relativistic. See? I'm capable of actually remembering this shit right now. There's no way I'm high.

I plop down on my couch and turn on the television. The television turns on instantly. Ha, that's funny, I think to myself. Light travels at the speed of light regardless of the reference frame, unaffected by time dilation. That's exactly the kind of explanation some college kid would give while writing some shitty story about time dilation after taking only one or two introductory physics courses at university.

They're broadcasting a fencing match on the TV. Semifinal between South Korea and Germany. Hey, I didn't know Koreans were good at something other than Starcraft. The score says 5-5, with only 2 seconds to go. Man, this is intense. I watch the match, frame by frame. It's like I'm watching this match in slow motion. This is pretty neat, I think to myself.

With only one second left on the clock, the German fencer moves in a blurring motion, managing three thrusts before landing a point, all in one second. As the match timer sets off, I feel dazed. There's another one like me. I take a sip of orange juice.

The cold, refreshing mouthful of citrus heaven trickles down my esophagus, cooling my entire existence. My taste receptors fire off action potentials as they bathe in the sour taste of lemons, mixed with the bittersweet aroma of grapefruit and tangy flavour of tangerines.

Five Alive® is an excellent source of folate, vitamin C, and potassium. Start off your long, tedious days by refreshing yourself with Five Alive®, available at your local grocery store.

Five Alive, Feel Alive!